Do Not Resuscitate
Often, we are called to a home for a very sick patient. The first thing I do in these cases is find and read the do not resuscitate (DNR) order or advance directives created by the patient. I need to know right away how far we will go and what we can and can’t do if we need to resuscitate this patient. Sometimes there’s no paperwork, but the family states their wishes to us. Other times there is paperwork, and the family doesn’t want us to follow it. There are also times when the family is present and arguing about what we should do. If there’s paperwork for us to follow, then it’s easy. What’s difficult for me is when the patient is obviously in an end-of-life state when there’s no paperwork to follow, and the family wants us to “full code” their family member (which is what we’ll do if there’s no DNR or advanced directives). This happens a lot to emergency workers and hospital staff. If you’re a first responder, I’m sure this has happened to you too.
- This piece is sponsored by The Invisible Wounds Project, Wounded Warrior Project, and Ellie Mental Health
Print size 12x8 feet
Death Notification
This image is based on a call I did many years ago when I had to notify the family that their husband and father had died. When we came into the house, they were so happy to see us, and it seemed they were confident we were going to save the day. As we were working, I'm sure the family thought we would save their loved one. Nobody was with them to tell them what was happening; nobody informed them that everything was being done that would be done in an ER. Nobody was with them to tell them how serious this event was and prepare them for the probable outcome. When we called it, and I told the family their husband and father had "passed on," they were genuinely shocked and absolutely devastated.
It was horrible. Since that call, I've learned a lot about giving death notifications. If I have the resources, I'll make sure someone is with the family to explain what is happening. I'll allow them to stay and observe or go into another room with me. I'll let them know the severity of the situation and that the patient is getting the best care possible. I'll ask them If they would like me to call someone. I'll also tell them to prepare themselves for the worst possible outcome.
- This piece is sponsored by The Western Institute of Emergency Education
Print size 10x8 feet
Trauma Code
This is the very first image I created. It’s based on a call where a young man died in our ambulance after being struck by a drunk driver. What stuck with me for so many years is what he said before he died, it made me think of his family and his mother in particular.
At the time all I could think of was her and how she was about to receive the worst news of her life. The spirit in this image isn’t looking upset because we didn’t save him, he’s upset because we failed his mother. Often, it’s not our patients that cause the most mental stress for us, it’s the family, friends and bystanders that leave the deepest scars.
- This piece sponsored by anonymous
Print size 8x10 feet
You’re Not Alone
Creating this image changed my memory of this call. When I think of this event, I see this little girl as she is here; still holding her teddy bear and at peace. The reality of this call was quite different, and that memory haunted me for years. The time spent creating this piece purged that intrusive memory from my mind and trapped it in this picture. Creating this artwork is truly my therapy.
When I first started creating these images, I never anticipated that other first responders would attach their own experiences to them and interpret them in a different way than I had intended. My concept images, like this one, are always based on a call I attended or on an emotion/struggle I feel from being a first responder. Creating these images is very personal and therapeutic for me, and I think it’s terrific that some of my peers can connect to them as well. Often the interpretation of others is much nicer than what I intended when first creating the image.
- This piece is sponsored by The Invisible Wounds Project, Wounded Warrior Project, and Ellie Mental Health
Print size 10x8 feet
The Thirsty Horse
Sometimes our trauma impairs our ability to know we're injured. All the help can be available to us, but if we don't know we're in trouble, how can we ask for support? Creating programs and throwing money at mental health programs for emergency workers isn't enough if it's not getting to the people who need it. The fish won't jump in your boat, you need to net them. Just like the dying horse in this image, we may not know what our recovery looks like, even if it's right in front of us. Why would this horse drink when he doesn't even know he's thirsty?
- This piece is sponsored by The Invisible Wounds Project, Wounded Warrior Project, and Ellie Mental Health
Print size 10x8 feet
Torn
When you've reached the point where you just don’t care anymore, and you would just rather not feel anything - then that's when support from your family, supervisors and peers has the most impact. The medic in the center of this image is exhausted and is indifferent as to which direction he gets pulled to. He no longer has the capacity to pretend he’s okay or to help himself. Someone needs to reach in and help him.
-This piece sponsored by The Western Institute of Emergency Education
Print size 10x5 feet
Dispatch
The woman in this image and her crew from Harris County Emergency Corps converted me from an ignorant paramedic that didn’t understand what dispatchers dealt with to a strong supporter of what they do. This is the very first dispatcher image I created, I took this photo after interviewing this crew for two hours and hearing stories that made my toes curl. Much respect to all dispatchers.
- This piece is sponsored by The Invisible Wounds Project, Wounded Warrior Project, and Ellie Mental Health
Print size 10x8 feet
Invasion
Invasion
It's the space between day and night when they come.
When my consciousness fades away to sleep, I can no longer defend my mind.
These organic monsters invade my psyche and fill it with images and emotions of horror and fright while I rest.
When I wake, the residue of fear, terror and dread linger until I'm able to rebuild my mental defences.
I stay awake as long as possible to fall asleep quickly - when the space between day and night is small.
I used to look forward to sleeping, but now it scares me
- This piece is sponsored by The Invisible Wounds Project, Wounded Warrior Project, and Ellie Mental Health
Print size 12x8 feet
Under Fire
I created this one during my visit to the UK a few years ago. I'm always trying to get more military images to create artwork with, so I was very grateful that I was invited to visit this squadron.
- This piece is sponsored by The Invisible Wounds Project, Wounded Warrior Project, and Ellie Mental Health
Print size 10x5 feet
Inmate Arrest
When I went to visit this facility and interviewed many of the corrections officers there, I was amazed at the unique circumstances these men and women need to work in. I asked them what a common emergency call they would need to respond to was, and they all immediately said drug overdoses. They explained to me how what that was like for them, then we staged this scene, and I photographed it. It truly is a different world behind those walls.
- This piece is sponsored by The Invisible Wounds Project, Wounded Warrior Project, and Ellie Mental Health
Print size 10x8 feet
Sorry
Look closely at this image, it’s darker than it first appears. Demons in the fire, a smoking gun in the firefighter’s hand and a gunshot wound to his head. I’ve heard from several of my brothers on the edge of taking their lives, and many of them have told me that they don’t want to leave their families and they don’t want to die. They tell me they no longer have the strength to push back against the feelings they’re having, and they don’t know what other options they have to find peace. Mental injuries like this rewire the brain, and we lose the capacity to realize what our options are and how deep of a hole we’re in. I’m grateful when our brothers and sisters reach out because they at least have the capacity to ask for help. We can point them in the direction for support and hopefully get them the help they need. It’s the ones that don’t reach out and who are suffering in silence that I worry about.
- This piece sponsored by anonymous
Print size 10x8 feet
Finding Peace
My mind is always racing. I try to keep my mind-controlled, but it has a method of its own. A Buddhist monk would say I have a Monkey Mind. It’s not so bad, except for when I sleep. At night it’s no longer restrained by my consciousness and it’s allowed to run amok. I rarely sleep well and often, when I wake, I’m overcome with a feeling of dread, and luckily enough I can’t remember the visions, but I know that my evening was filled with nightmares. I crave solitude. I crave a peaceful mind. I crave a good night’s sleep. I crave silence and peace of mind. I wonder if my terrors are because of my many years in emergency services, and I always wonder if my peers have this problem. This image shows an angel telling a paramedic to just relax; it’s going to be okay . . . I’ve got your back . . . you’re free of your demon.
-This piece sponsored by anonymous
Print size 12x8 feet
Covid 19 Selfie Project
62 nations, 1000 portraits, 1310 faces…and 1 dog. This piece is dedicated to all the healthcare workers who have contracted this virus as a direct result of treating their patients...many of whom have lost their lives. These are all selfies sent to me from emergency workers around the world. We’re all wearing a common uniform and are unified as we battle this virus. When this is all done, I hope these heroes and their families are honoured and recognized for their ultimate sacrifice.
- This piece is sponsored by the Western Institute of Emergency Education
Print size 12x8 feet
The Bulldog and the Fox
I started creating scenes hoping to balance out some of the weirdness that is happening in my head lately. I'm hoping it will remedy some of my trauma. I find myself inside these peaceful environments as I create them while still acknowledging my experiences. I hope you find some peace in this one.
- This piece is sponsored by The Invisible Wounds Project, Wounded Warrior Project, and Ellie Mental Health
Print size 8x8 feet